Miss you,go.

Miss you.

Hei,goel. How life up there? Happy rite? Joyfull?

I miss you. I do.

U already know it,rite? Jesus dont tell you? Jesus, dont tell you, how much i miss you. I speak to him through my pray. He didnt tell you yet?

Goel.

I felt lonely. I cant tell anyone. I was angry and sad at the time. I lost my faith in my dream. Everyone dont know how broken am i,go. I think, i need somebody. Somebody to talk to. Somebody who relly knew me.

I tired and go drunk. But i still cant sleep. I wacth tv until the sun comes up and i still wake for no reason. Am i crazy,go?

Suddenly, silly mind came to me. Can, we replace each other? Could I borrow your heaven, just for a while? I just want to know, how wonderfull is. You have astrid with you,rite? You hve Jesus too. You have grandma. Both of them. Oma yo and oma tuti. Have you met mama mi and luly? They will make you delicious roomtart,go. I bet you will love it. You wont stop to eat it again and again. I do it, all the time they cook it. You're so lucky go.

I think, you have met opa too. Mr. "Angry" men, but he's lovable guy, go. Dont judge him because his face. Hahahahahahaha... he always have grumpy face like that. But he have warm heart. He love us, his grandchild. Owh, have you met Oma Yo? Yup, you have. You know,go...Oma Yo, is the best chef i ever known. You should ask her to make "nasi kacang teri and ikan saos", oh my God...i love that. Really. I can eat it, three times at once.

Owh, and you, have to met Oma Tuti? The Oldtestament lady. Hahahahahaa... she's papa duplicate. They're twin. She told you to study well and sleep tight before the time. Hahahahhaaa... i bet you do it. She didnt like being protest.

Go, could you beg to Jesus for came down to me?
Just for second. I just wanna see you. My little angel. Nope, my bestfriend. I dont know, why Jesus take you away from us. Specially from me. Does he know, i needed friend? Oh, maybe He think amor and eset enough for me. So, he take astrid with you,go.

You know,go. Sometimes i felt so jealous and irritated. I saw somepeople chit chat or chill with her/his sister. I cant do that. And i miss you. I miss you a lot. I dont know how to say it. But, i just miss you. I taught, if you were here, we can do many things. I have bestfriend for lifetime,go. I somebody, who always know my feel without i told them. I can cry over you without doubt that you would left me somehow. I just needed a friend. Yup, i have a friend, but sometimes i need "the only mine friend".

Am i too choosy,rite? You know,go... i can being friendly with anybody. I just a picky person. Yup, not everbody whom I permitted to be my friend. My close friend. So, i miss you. Everytime I see, somebody whose have the same ages with you, i think i got you back. I know its wrong idea,go. I just wonder, if i could turn back time, i wish you alive. I wish you, we didnt brought mom at that clinic. I wish, i just wish,go. Long time ago, i just a child. I dont get any issue from it. I just saw, the dumb midwife say sorry for papa. I saw you, so quite in the arm of dad. They make you up with the white dressed which i buy 1 week before the day. I didnt know, you just gone. I just suspicious why my sister didnt cried? Did she so sleppy? Or she just calm? You never open your eyes just for a while. Whenever i wait to see you. Youre so beautifull,go. You like an angel. Like a barbie, with your brown curly hair. I cant get calm of myself when i saw they put you at the case. I shoot the man whom put you there with the stone. I think they will take you from me. Yeah, they take you,go.

But, over those year...
I still remember that day. I cry everytime, i miss you. You know,go. Ive lost you, with the point is ive lost my bestfriend. I always pray to Jesus for give me the bestfriend. And He gave you. But i dont know why he take you back to him. Heaven so lack of an angel,isnt it?

How i miss you,go.

Just missing you. I do it. All the time since you gone. You never forgotten,go. Everytime, i talk or tell anybody about my sibling. You just count. Ive never forget. We're 5, but 2 of my sister had gone away. Thats the fact. Forever.

Go, do you miss me?
Take care of astrid well.
I love both of you,sissy!

Benyada Remals "dyzcabz"

Saya selalu memimpikan mereka disini. Saya selalu berharap, menemukan mereka kembali saat saya terbangun esok pagi. Saat saya bermimpi tentang sahabat baik, goel adalah yang pertama.

In memoriam Ben-Goel. (*Hari ini, tepat 1 minggu sebelum "the day", Hari ini, 25 thn yang lalu, saya menemani mama pergi beli baju untuk Goel. Lalu 1 minggu kemudian, Goel memakai baju itu dan pergi bersamanya menuju keabadian)